Not sure where to begin……. Those who know me, know I have been saved for many years! I was saved while watching Billy Graham in 1977, while living with my boyfriend. I remember it well. I did the prayer of repentance and “FELT” such a shift, there was certainly a change that night. I had accepted Christ many a time before, but without a change in my life. This time, after praying, I could NO longer go to bed with my boyfriend, and so left him that next week. What is funny/ well sorta is that , that very night I slept in the closet, and not with him. Time passed and we started dating again, he accepted Christ as well. We then got engaged, and married in 1979. We had three sons within 10 years and raised them all.
Next theme of my life was/is : I am adopted and was raised by a wonderful mom, but never let her love me. My dad I have but one good memory of him. I won’t got into detail, but between the beatings and ugh situations he brought me into/through it has taken me a long time to forgive, to even realize I needed to forgive. My dad died when I was 11, and the spirit of infirmity on/in him, went into my mom and she acquired Rhematoid arthritis. She died in 2002 I believe.
Now I had always wondered about my birth parents, and decided to go looking for my birth mom. I ended up finding my birth dad. I went driving one day to the address I found in the newspaper article that I had gotten about the incidents of my infancy and actually believe I went to the house of the intense trauma I went through. I also got connected with my birth dad and drove to see him here in the same state I live in, and he lives within 75 miles from me. Within a year or so after this though I started having what I call blank outs. It is hard to explain, but I will try. All my life I have had these strange sensations, it is like I am feeling “something that I don’t see, but feel” in the room. So then I after those feelings/sensations I would blank out. I also started manifesting demons after I would fall asleep. My husband would pray over me and he even said I spoke in some foreign tongue/ even demonic. One night in December of 2009, I went to sleep as usual and as he has shared with me, I manifested and was thrown to the floor and even was foaming at the mouth. He took authority and prayed and when I came to he was over me on the floor. Since then I have never manifested again, but the blankouts have increased substantially. Before the deliverance I blanked out maybe once or twice a month and since them they may come daily but in the last two years, I may go a week or more without any. Also I have had dozens with no warning. Things certainly have changed, and I am in a time of healing. What I sweet is over the last few years, I have felt emotion ever so greatly. God blessed me with the good first. I felt LOVE for the first time to such an intensity, that before I might have been a one or two, and now it is at least an 8, on the scale of 1-10. I have felt such wonderful emotion FIRST and FOREMOST and then this year, I have felt the most horrible of emotions and even spirits. I have felt hate, seen what I think is the spirit of death, and abandonment as well as rejection. So much IS coming to the surface, and God is mostly using those who have not been in my life. They are being blessed with seeing those who have been around me regularly don’t. I have chosen to share so as to give greater wattage to my situation as well as condition. Oh and in conclusion, last week I discerned that the 3 days of intense horrible oppression, I came to the place of giving up. I was nearly without strength, and just laid in my bed beyond exhaustion, and spoke to the LORD, “I can’t do this anymore, I give up, just take me home Lord” I waited wondering if indeed He would take me into heaven. But what happened was, I heard inaudibly, You’re going to be fine. And so hope was restored, I still was without strength and was reminded of one of my favorite verses in Isaiah. I love birds, and love: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Now most of my life I have always focused, been drawn to the eagle and the end of this verse, but this last year/season , the Lord keeps pointing and highlighting the first few words, and this month the first half of the verse. Nicole, those who WAIT on ME……….. I abhor waiting, for I have waited for ever so much and most who promise/say they are going to do something, rarely do. So God is going deep and I am forgiving more and more people, as well as self this season. Numbers 6:24-26